TSC Library Contributions

Just finished a great book dealing with the topic of 'worldliness'. Very good read, especially the chapter entitled, "My Heart, God and Stuff".

Three new addtions that I received for Christmas this year;

Faith Alone?

Well, it's been so long since I've written anything. It seems a little strange to be back in the blogger. And this entry has been on my mind quite a bit and I'm not even sure that I am going to post it - I guess if you're reading it then it means either that I decided to post and take my chances or I've had some kind of mental disconnect and will regret it later.

Faith alone. That what Sola Fide means. It's roots are buried deep into the Reformation and it means that we as Christians have been saved by grace through faith alone. It means that with every step we take we should be walking in the reality of taking God at His word, trusting in His decisions and placing one foot in front of the other knowing that He has my back, my front, my sides and my future.

Now don't panic - I'm not having a crisis of faith. I love my Saviour and I am not afraid to declare publicly that Jesus is my king, my priest and my shepherd. I have not turned my back on God, the church or my relationship with him. But...

I am working through an issue that has been on my mind for quite awhile. It affects me personally, it affects my family, it affects my relationship with my wife and it has implications on my job. It is an issue that has plagued me for years, and quite frankly has bothered me for as long as I can remember. And interestingly enough is connected to how I view sola fide. You see, if I claim to live my life by Sola Fide then why can't I deal effectively with this issue? If I claim that my Jesus is as powerful (if not more) than what the Bible says, then why can't this issue be dealt with once and for all? Why the constant struggle? Why is there so much baggage that comes along with it? If I claim that Jesus is powerful enough to deliver then why are the chains still there? Sometimes I feel so hypocritical when I have opportunities to preach the power of the resurrection and yet daily look in the mirror and see meager attempts that lead to disappointment and frustration. I'm sorry but I'm just trying to be real with myself. You just get to read 'into it'.

So, enough already; what's this big issue that I'm dealing with that has me so upset and discouraged at the same time? It's my weight. There, I said it. I've wanted to write about this for so long but I've been afraid to because I figure that once it's out in cyber-land then I'll have to stay committed for the sake of those few who read this. And I've been held captive by fear for so long that I have done nothing about it. I've been so worried about what people will think and more importantly - how those will judge my faith and my saviour by my actions, that I've been paralyzed to do anything except become more and more frustrated and dis-content. But that's been the down fall all along. I can't do this for you. I can't worry about what you think or what you'll say. All I am supposed to do is trust my Saviour and honor His name - not mine.

Our youth pastor had a great blog awhile ago in which he described himself as the 'fat-pastor'. I first thought that he was insane for putting it out there for everyone to read and to judge. But he made his goal and is sticking to it. And I am proud to know him. I thought, 'should I do the same thing, only call it the 'fat elder' program? Can I chronicle my attempts at transformation knowing the risk of failure? Can I post about how I really feel about myself and risk the ridicule? I thought about starting a new blog and not telling anyone, that way if I failed then no one would really be able to place a face with the name. No one would be able to connect the real me with the cyber-me. What a joke - if I did that why even bother with the program? If there's no risk of accountability then why even blog about it?

So, where does this leave me? Well...it leaves me with this gigantic post. It leaves me with yet again the proverbial question - Am I willing to put it out there? Am I willing to share my journey with all it's bumps and bruises? Am I really able to give up Bacon? Can I cook without real butter? If I don't, we go back to the regular routine. I go back to feeling like an idiot because I can lead people to the cross and I can lead people through deep theological issues but I can't lead myself through the steps necessary to change my body composition.

Faith alone. Grace alone. Christ alone. I know that I believe in these with all my heart, mind and soul. What I also know is that I can't do this alone and I can't be fake about it any more. Despite what others may say, do or think.

More to come...